Friday, March 7, 2008
Behavior Issues
My boys are about a yr and half apart. So I can't be far off from feeling like I have triplets or at least twins. Sometimes though my youngest son just pushes me to the extreme. I feel like we have been having a meltdown once a day. It will start off with something simple like colin makes a noise. So conner asks him to stop. Colin makes a different noise. Conner gets upset, mostly because this is a pattern on more days than I care to admit, so he makes an exasperated noise and yells for him to stop. It only escaltes from there. I could bore you with details as to the screaming until finally I yell stop, go to your rooms. This is mostly so I can calm down, figure out how to deal with it and for them to calm down too.Unfortunatly conner seems to come out of his room in such an angry state it takes the better part of an hour for him to cooperate. When he gets frustrated he doesnt stop he gets mad and nothing short of a miracle will help to calm him down. With math its the same way he will get frustrated and I try to calmly show him how to do something and poof he starts screaming I'm not helping and he doesnt get it and cant I just provide the answer. It is really wearing on me. All the while I see colin (mostly, he is not perfect either of course neither am I) quietly doing his work without harldly any fuss. Then I look back at conner with his read face, tears streaking down and I try, honest I try to help and he just gets even madder. I dont get it. How do I make it better for him. I want him not to have to feel so frustrated and have it get so bad I send him to his room. I wish I knew how to help him understand math. I wish I knew how to make him understand that people are allowed to make noise and it shouldnt cause a thrid world war in my house. I wish I knew how to help him deal with his frustration in a better way.I am at a loss. This extends far past the "classroom". Kids say he is mean, I know better, but boy he sure can be mean. I have tried to see what triggers it. Its usually small things. But its never the same. I just can't grasp it. I need to be able to help him see how his behavior is affecting others and himself. This can't be healthy.
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5 comments:
There are so many things that may or may not help. If he is extra sensitive to distractions, then the following may help. I have at least one daughter (13) who is extra sensitive and loud. She reacts to things a lot like you described your son. Anyway, in an attempt to help her stay quieter, my husband started having her wear soft earplugs. My husband uses them for work and I did when I was working. We don't use the barrel shaped ones, because they hurt our ears. We get ones that are rounded on one end and tapered. She can hear what she needs to hear and the background noise is filtered, so it doesn't bother her as much. She can also hear herself better, so she doesn't get as loud.
Personally, I am easily distracted as well. It drives me crazy if someone is moving or making noises when I am trying to concentrate.
Perhaps, the use of earplugs and some stretching breaks (or light exercise breaks) would help him to be less distracted and less stressed. Perhaps, he could run a lap around the house if he gets mad or frustrated with a math problem?
I hope that helps.
I have never considered this but definetly will try it out. thanks so much. I do have them take breaks and when it gets to this point we do take 5 just to regroup.
could you send a link to your blog? I couldnt access it, I tried 2x. Would love to check it out.
Vanessa,
This should get you there:
http://owings8.blogspot.com/ .
Hi Vanessa - I'm following Brandi around making sure she stays out of trouble. ;o) (Hiiii Brandi!)
Two thoughts on Connor's problems in addition to Brandi's wonderful suggestions. We'll just call this your own personal edition of my Damama's Use it or Lose it Advice. ;o)
First - As a homeschooling mom, you have the leeway to be able to modify at will, right? Is it necessary right now for him to do the math units? Is there something else more challenging or easier for him to do? Have you thought about finding alternative learning methods? A quick search of the Net uncovered this really cool website called Cool Math at http://www.coolmath-games.com/ I checked out some of the games and they look like fun and challenging tools. You could make it a tournament-style event to see who gets the best score - prizes and all! (I think I'm personally going to do some of the algebra stuff to bone up! LOL!)
Second - Regarding their general behavior. Is Connor the oldest? (just curious) Do you spend one-on-one time with each of the boys other than with school work? Does each have his own special Mom Date time at least once a week? Possibly, if they know that they are going to get special time with you (especially Colin) they won't try so hard to get your attention during the day. It can be something as simple as running out for a quick coke (down here everything's coke! LOL!) or as elaborate as dinner and a movie. Just anything that focuses your entire energy and attention on that one child for the time you are together. Rule: no nagging or lecturing - just fun!
I know, I don't know you or your kids, but I went through a lot of the same problems with mine. The oldest was very sensitive and his little brother would do ANYTHING for attention. I wish I'd known then what I know now. Their lives would have been WAAAAAY different.
Like I said - this is a use it or lose it bit of advice. You won't hurt my feelings if you tell me I'm nuts and to go away and never darken your comments box again. :o)
Whatever happens, good luck. I'll be praying for success for you and your guys.
Damama,.
Conner is the baby of the family. No they don't at this time get special time with parents. We did that for a while but it got a bit overwhelming. Perhaps we can try it again.
thanks for the tip on the math site. I feel like I am cheating when I send them online, but I know they are learning and that is the point. I will check it out.
I did try the earplugs and they seem to help , half and half.
Seems to me anytime he gets frustrated or upset he get IMpossible to deal with for the next 2 hrs. It's not just school but that is where I see it the most. I am going to be posting about it some more,more to see if I can pinpoint something than anything else.
Thanks Vanessa
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